I missed a day in my writing goal. I was busy at work and too tired. I also have been having a struggle in deciding what to write about. Of course I can always write the truth, but I also know that the truth is not socially acceptable and I am not feeling ready for the hatred that results when I say how I feel.
So I don’t write because I know what I want to say but am afraid to say it. But to prove to myself that I can still speak honestly, that is exactly what I will do.
My life personally is actually pretty good. I am doing well at my new job in the Floral department at Hy-Vee and am doing rather fabulous at my video games. I have no complaints about my own personal health. However, I am now thinking of the two most important people in my life: My mother and my roommate River.
Last night my mom called me and told me about her tooth pain. We have been making payments toward what needs to be done at Stites Dental. The thing is that I no longer have the high income since I lost my former full time government job. Still I like working in the floral department better. I have a fundraiser for anyone who wants to donate to help my mother.
My roommate also planned on helping me with bills and rent but it’s hard to know what will happen with that because he may go into an alcohol detox program if he can find one that accepts small payments over time. He doesn’t have a lot of money or insurance. It’s surprising how people expect alcoholics to have money and insurance when those who truly need help the most are the least likely to be able to pay for it.
I only wish I was capable of fixing my mom’s problems as well as my roommate’s but everything costs money and that is the biggest obstacle I still face.
But at least I am doing great. Ever since my testicles were removed I have felt better than ever. I also started estrogen on April 27th 2021 and it has really improved my memory and mood a lot. It’s an amazing thing what difference it makes. I also have had physical changes too but I care more about how it has improved my mental health. I know I am ready for whatever challenges life throws at me and retain a generally positive attitude. But at some times I am terribly afraid of running out of money and being homeless.
But you know what I am afraid of even more than losing my own home and life? Losing my mother or my roommate. They mean more to me than words can express. Even though it seems like money is the most important thing, I know that it’s only value comes from what it can be used for. I don’t love money. I love my mother and I love my most excellent roommate, River.
That’s all I have to say today because that is exactly what I am thinking about at this moment.