This post is sort of unusual for me because I’ve never been one who cared very much at all about the physical appearance of my own body or the bodies of others very much. But this is what I am thinking about right now. I have noticed that I am generally more pleased with my appearance since my orchiectomy.
When I took this picture, the intention that night wasn’t to take a selfie. I was just testing my Android phone to try to record a Minecraft video by placing it in front of my new monitor.
However when I had the phone camera facing me I was so pleased with how I looked that I took this picture anyway. I haven’t always been happy with how I look and gender dysphoria has been the main reason. But I do like what I see now much more than I used to. I’m not sure how much of it is because I look different or because how I feel about myself has changed somehow. But I really do feel pretty.
It could be actual changes in how I look or just hormones messing with my mind but it’s a good thing. Also, I do seem to have boobs growing and I know it’s not just my imagination because my mom and doctor mentioned it first before I said anything to them. The lack of testosterone has probably resulted in the start of breast development which is not uncommon. It seems my natural estrogen is pretty high even though I am not on HRT. My doctor says my hormone levels are healthy at this point so I have nothing to worry about at least for now.
I do find something mysterious though. When my doctor was feeling my chest and exclaimed: “You have boobs girl!”, I felt a sudden rush of happiness. I’m not sure why though. Never really did care much about boobs in my life but I guess evidence of physical changes or at least the fact that I’m starting to look less like a male is a happy experience for me and just feels right somehow. But for me, the most attractive and important part of anyone is their face. So I just feel like saying:
I am beautiful! No matter what they say! And so are you, whoever you are reading my post!
Chastity White Rose 