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I’ll tell you one fact that I think of all the time. When people see someone who looks like a woman, they don’t think “Oh no! She could rape me!” But they do think this when they see men. Not because men are inherently all rapists but because most are capable of it.

It’s the same way that humans are more evil than a horse. Not because a horse is automatically good, though I tend to think they are, but because they don’t have the power to shoot guns, drop bombs, drive cars, bully people on the internet, or any of the many things humans can do.

Power corrupts. It allows those with bad intentions to achieve their desires. Humanity has grown too large, too powerful, and too incapable of resolving problems without violence. No other species could destroy the planet and kill billions of other animals and cause climate change.

And the reason men have such a bad reputation is because they have always had the power to hurt and control women for no other reason than their strength and penises. I think about this all the time.

The feminist movements should never have existed. We all suffer because of the actions of our male ancestors who enslaved women for thousands of years. Many of the women in their quest for equality have them turned against even the innocent men because of a prejudice which is perfectly understandable.

Should they be afraid of men? Yes, for their protection. Do I want them afraid of me? No, for I could not hurt them. Even if I wanted to, which I don’t, I could not.

I know some of you think me crazy for the things I post like this, but these are my thoughts that haunt me every day of my life.

Ladies of the world, I too am afraid of the men, but even more so I am afraid that I will never be trusted because of the body I was born with. You may not believe me but I am one of you. I am on your side.

And don’t you dare call me a misogynist as many have just because I am against abortion. You have been lied to by the patriarchy into thinking killing your children is freedom, but it was just a clever plan for the men to have sex with more women and to make a lot of money off of you.

My heart is broken over this just like it is over all of the farm animals who are killed because people refuse to be vegan.

And I will do anything to help you see the truth.

You probably won’t hear this from other transgender women because they are often too politically correct and picky about language, but in my experience struggling with gender identity issues, I think the primary motivation for my desire to transition in the future, given the chance, is about not being seen as someone who acts like men stereotypically do.

I don’t drink beer, watch football, have sex, drive a car, hide emotions, try to be tough or violent, kill animals, or any of the countless things that people think being a man is about.

And seriously who really knows what a man or woman is supposed to act like. I don’t really believe in that concept. At the root gender roles are merely the idea that you must act a certain way because of how you look.

“If you have a penis, you should play sports” or “if you have a vagina you must wear pink and have long hair”.

Isn’t that pretty much how people think? That’s the impression I get from observing people.

I don’t really follow what goes on in politics nor do I care much about what idiots in the LGBT population say. They argue over dumb things like about the difference between a transgender person and a cross dresser. And then there is the whole thing about trans people playing competitive sports and if someone has an unfair advantage because they were born male.

And don’t even get me started on all the nonsense that happens when transgender people try to date and then people get angry because they didn’t know the person was trans and then they get sexual and find out the woman has a penis. Weird shit happens in the world because people are just dumb.

I’ve read enough and watched enough transgender people on YouTube to get a basic idea of what goes on.

I have a whole different perspective on such topics and I know one thing, I will not model my life based on any one person or group of them. When you copy someone you also copy their flaws.

I will do things my own way as I always have. I was never the type to like being associated with labels because then those labels become stereotypes just like gender roles.

I just thought of a brilliant programming idea. Technically it would be possible to use an integer array to store all the values of an image. The width, height, bits per pixel, and the array of pixels are all already expected to be 32 bit integers. My functions currently require passing the pointer, width, and height to every single function. But if the width and height were just part of the array then only a pointer would need to be passed to each function in addition to the other arguments that a required such as filenames, etc.

But of course that would require a massive rewrite of the thirty or so functions of C code I already have. Probably not worth the trouble but worth mentioning just because theoretically it COULD be done, which is a nice thought.

But I’d probably be better off using classes with C++ if I was to spend that much time on a rewrite. I would call it “BBM++” .

I may not have time to work on my programming until I’m moved but I come up with quick ideas all the time. I’m thinking of using languages such as Java and C# to write conversion programs for my image formats. I have basic experience with Java and have read much about C#. These languages already have support for popular image formats like PNG and JPEG as part of their standard libraries. They could be used as a quick method of having a conversion program that people could use until I learn more C tricks to enable me to convert between my BBM, BGM, and BPM formats.

Though I’m not sure if anyone actually cares enough about the image formats I’m creating. But even if not, it’s a great way to learn more programming.

That’s because graphics programming is a little bit different than writing text based utilities or video games. It requires enough understanding of a language to know how to read and write files and to seek to specific offsets to get and set the various variables needed to read, write, or display an image.

What all graphics files seem to have in common is the width, height, and bits per pixel. In addition to this they may differ slightly in what bits and bytes represent. They may be Red, Green, and Blue(RGB) in that order or they could have the primary colors arranged in some other order such as BGR or GBR.

And monochrome images may have zero represent black and one represent white, or they may have it just the opposite. Interestingly the BMP and TIFF formats can do either.

I’ve got so much knowledge about computer graphics in my head that I could easily give a speech on the pros and cons of the most popular formats used on the internet today and which types of compression they allow.

Perfectionism

One of my biggest flaws is that I’m a perfectionist. I always try to do things right and get heartbroken when I inevitable fail.

The benefit is that whatever I do I try a lot harder than other people. I have greater motivation than other people and it’s terribly obvious in all things. Whether at work, playing video games, computer programming, or considering important life decisions, I want everything to be the best.

And people can argue forever about the concept of perfect and whether it even exists, but I personally think it does. It only makes sense in the context of a certain goal which must be achieved.

If there is a task that must be done or that you want to do, then you do it, then perfection is achieved.

However there is a dangerous trap that I fall into. Comparing myself to others who can do something faster than me or who can achieve things that I currently cannot.

And many times I have made this mistake. Comparing myself to coworkers, other programmers, other vegan activists, and also humans both men and women but in different ways.

And what people don’t realize is that I’m incredibly self aware. Only I know my thoughts and feelings about things. But what I’ve learned is that comparing myself to others is a great flaw in itself that does not actually help me achieve things but only makes me feel bad.

So if you ever see me comparing myself to other people, kindly remind me of what I have said here. I don’t wish to spend my life worrying about whether I’m as good as someone else. It’s irrelevant because I will never be them, I can only be myself.