Category: Uncategorized

I have achieved a major milestone. I can now work on my programming even when my mouse fails! Vim is a great text editor with syntax highlighting that also allows for running commands! In my case I use :!make to run the script that compiles and runs my code!

My “Infinity Checkerboard” project has come very far from what it was. I can do incredible things as I learn more of the SDL library. Although this game does not contain much, the source code is very small and only requires the base SDL library with no extensions and a working C compiler.

I hope that others benefit from this video both as an example of the power of SDL and the C programming language but also as an example of using Vim as a text editor.

Now I know where all my disk space went! I have not been using cygwin ever since msys provided all my programming needs and can compile my SDL,Allegro, and SFML programs from a Unix environment just fine. I’m deleting cygwin to recover some disk space but still it was a very good Unix environment for what I used it for. I highly recommend programmers try out projects like msys and cygwin for that Unix/Linux feel if they’ve done programming on Linux and like the way it worked.

https://www.msys2.org/
https://cygwin.com/

Also, there is the Windows Subsystem for Linux as well. I have little experience with it but that’s another cool way to do Linux things from within Windows.
My ideal goal when it comes to computer usage is that I’ll eventually buy a brand new computer capable of running the most intense games in my Steam library that won’t run on this computer but also use these tools I mentioned to compile open source games for the fun of it.
There is something very satisfying about being someone who plays games but also understands a lot of computer programming and how they are built from source code. Back in my Ubuntu Linux days there was a game I played and even changed the source code of to play with it.

https://www.supertux.org/

I remember the time I changed the gravity floating point variable and was floating above the screen. I love playing games and I love messing with computer software and testing programming languages. There is a lot to live for and I’m so glad to be free from pain and will do my best to enjoy my life.

I remember the time I changed the gravity floating point variable and was floating above the screen. I love playing games and I love messing with computer software and testing programming languages. There is a lot to live for and I’m so glad to be free from pain and will do my best to enjoy my life.

Here is an official update on how I’m feeling. I am mostly back to the way I was before surgery except that if I squat it pulls on the skin where the incision is and breaks the glue. If I walk far my underwear rubs on it and can cause it to bleed. So for these reasons I stay home and don’t usually wear anything down there so nothing can rub and hurt it. But aside from that I feel good and have lots of food I can eat and lots of fruit juice and soy milk to drink. I’ll just be staying home most of the time and computer programming or playing Super Mario Galaxy. Still I’m super bummed out about missing work because it’s still a loss of income and I have to transfer money from my other bank accounts so I can pay rent/bills. But it’s worth it because I’ve never felt better. Now I’m pain free and have my adult life in my apartment and a good job to go back to when I am ready.

I had my orchiectomy after a long fight of trying finding a doctor willing to do it. After Andrew Wright refused to help me, the psychologist who had written my referral letter then referred me to Hospital Hill KC Urology clinic. It was there on 7-16-2020 that I met Dr. Hadley Wyre. He listened to my story and was willing to help me. We scheduled surgery for 9-17-20 and I was feeling pretty good. However it was during this time that the Covid-19 lockdowns and mask mandates were happening. My work performance suffered because I could not breath enough oxygen while required to wear a mask. I was afraid of getting fired because of this and was in a real panic mode for those two months before surgery that I would not be able to get the surgery done if I lost my job and health insurance, or if I tested positive for Covid and had to delay it.

It was good news that I had a doctor willing to help me but I often am very scared of things going wrong. However, if those things I feared had happened, you would not be reading this. I had my surgery and I am slowly recovering. I am very happy with the way I feel and although I have my financial concerns because of the work I am missing while on leave, I try to remember that I overcame the biggest obstacle I have experienced in my life. There is very little left to be afraid of.

And speaking of fear, I know that many fear death, but I do not. There are worse things than death. Living in constant pain as I was caused me to want to die. However I am glad I did not die then and that I still had time left to tell you my story. Many people are too afraid to talk about testicles and do not want to hear my testimony, but I will not stay silent when people like me are in pain and cannot receive the help they need. People should be able to get the surgeries they need for their body whether their reasons for doing the surgery are because of physical pain or emotional pain.

When a man has testicular cancer and has an orchiectomy, people feel sorry for him. When he is in pain either because they hurt or because he hurts emotionally because of sexual abuse memories or gender dysphoria, people expect him to snap out of it and just pretend to be OK and “man up”. There is a deep sexism against men that most of them are too afraid to talk about, but I am not.

As I continue with my life, I plan to keep a watch for others who experience similar problems to what I did. Hopefully I can help someone else someday with my story.

read part 1 here

https://chastitywhiterose.wordpress.com/2020/05/24/the-testicle-testimony/

It is day 4 since I had my orchiectomy and I am at my mom’s place recovering well. However it turns out that I wasn’t sown together with stiches. I was basically glued together. Although I feel normal, I have to remember that I can’t squat down nor try to lift huge things because I risk breaking the glue open and bleeding if I overdo it and stretch the skin too far it would be deadly. I can’t sit down in a chair either or Im sitting directly on it. So I lay on my belly or back and talk to my mom and watch funny stuff on the TV I bought her a few weeks ago.
I will lose some income because I can’t go back to work yet. But the great part is that this is a one time thing. The testicles are gone and as far as I know I have no life threatening things like heart disease, diabetes, cancer, or any of that. I don’t expect to be having any more surgery in my life if I can help it.
For the past two years I was in extreme pain from restricted blood flow,dead veins, and twisted spermatic coords.
In fact the pain was getting so bad that I was seriously having bad thoughts about castrating myself with my sharpest knife to end the pain, which would not have worked because I would have simply died of blood loss and shock. But that is how bad the pain was and the pain I had after surgery was still less than what I was experiencing before.
So I worked my butt off trying to work my job and save money and vacation hours. The hardest part was trying to pretend that I was ok at work when I was in major pain and could not really talk about it nor do anything about it.
Dr. Hadley Wyre really saved my life and gave me relief from my pain and now I have a feeling things will be alright. I just overcame the hardest struggle I ever went through. I went to so many urologists who did not take me seriously and expected me to live with the pain or just accused me of making up the pain and assuming that I only wanted my testicles removed because of gender dysphoria.
It would have been nice if I had received help years sooner than I did. I’m only where I am because of the company Brillient giving me a full time job with excellent health insurance and the fact that Hadley Wyre is a nice urologist who actually listened to my needs and did what I asked without policing my decisions of what I wanted done or questioning my identity. And also many thanks to Psychologist Ryan Cox who referred me to Hospital Hill KC Urology clinic.
I also want to thank all my coworkers for putting up with my crankiness without understanding what was wrong with me. Thanks to my best friends who were there for me in my most difficult moments.