Author: Chastity White Rose

I am Chastity White Rose, lover of all unicorns and ponies and artist of pixels and polygons.
Fabulous secret powers were revealed to me the day I put on my checkerboard dress and said:

“By the power of grayscale! I have the power!”

And I became She Man, the most powerful transwoman in the universe!

And I came to understand who I am. I am a programmer who can draw pixels to bitmaps of both black and white. And a Vegan, who protects the innocent! But within me lies a mortal heart, which suffers from depression. Will I have the strength to resist? Or will it be my doom.

It’s been a long time since I started this blog and named myself Chastity White Rose. At this point only my best friends or anyone who pays close attention to the video game screenshots would notice the new name and even then they would probably not know what it means.

I have a real problem of not being left alone by my mother. Whether I am trying to read a book or following a tutorial about the C# programming language, none of it matters to her nor is she aware of what I am trying to do or what is important to me. She yells at me about something either she’s angry that I didn’t do or complaining to me about what her students and their families do. My happiest times are when she is asleep, busy teaching students, or I am somewhere else out of the house relaxing. These times are very rare and I just know that my mom is holding me back from my full potential of who I could be if only I had the time to learn the things I want and be who I want to be without worrying that she will be angry at me for something and yell.

I work 5 days a week and buy all the groceries. I massage her muscles when she asks and bring her things she needs. I don’t understand why on my two days off a week from work I can’t work on my art, computer programming, or play my video games. I just want to be left alone and right now it’s all I care about.

I have been frustrated for years about my mom misunderstanding why I am an atheist. I am not “rejecting god” but I have come to the conclusion that the best possible explanation for why nobody can agree on who or what god is or why god does not intervene in the world to correct the religious people is because god does not exist.

In all seriousness, how is it that Christians can have disagreements about abortion or gay marriage. They are even divided on the issue of veganism. I would expect that if the Christian god exists that he could show up and make clear what he really thinks.

What IS the Christian attitude towards the unborn, homosexuals, or the non-human animals? If you ask different Christians they all have different answers. This is because they are NOT receiving their information from a common source. They each have their own little god that they create in their own image which has the same opinion as them.

And as I think back to my memories of the days when I used to pray at the creek and ask god these questions I had on my mind, I was frustrated that I never got an answer. I used to ask god to erase me from existence because I didn’t want to go to heaven or hell. I wanted to just end my suffering.

And you know, I would have REALLY appreciated it if god could have spoken to me and explained veganism. I would really have liked to know the truth about what was going on so that I could have changed my life and gone vegan at a younger age rather than waiting till I was 26 and finding out from strangers on the internet about what was being done to these animals and that the best way to help them was to stop eating or and using animal products in general.

But no, this god never explained veganism to me or my mother and left us in ignorance. Such a god that is silent, even if it exists, cannot be a god of love or care about the animal suffering or human health.

Nearly any human can communicate in person, phone, email, and even record videos. If god exists and has anything he cares about, all he needs to do is start a YouTube channel, a blog, and maybe give some public speeches explaining to us what “true Christianity” is. But no, instead I have to hear about this “loving god” from my mother because she exists and her god that she speaks about is silent and most likely just her imagination.

I met another person at work who is vegan and works in the same department as me. I was absolutely thrilled to meet her because it feels relaxing to not have to worry about that conversation coming up. I feel that even my friend who I play video games with at his house is someone I will lose. He still hangs out with me and he knows I’m vegan but still I worry about the issue coming up and starting a fight.

However this woman I met is somebody who I instantly feel more comfortable and relaxed around and we have so much in common. I even told her about the name I chose for myself: Chastity White Rose.

And the name has a lot of meaning than I hope I get a chance to explain to her but for now since it is on my mind, I will explain it on this blog.

Chastity

The following is the definition Google gives for chastity. I hope to talk about all these synonyms and what they all mean to me.

chas·ti·ty
‘CHast?de/Submit
noun
the state or practice of refraining from extramarital, or especially from all, sexual intercourse.
“vows of chastity”
synonyms: celibacy, chasteness, virginity, abstinence, self-restraint, self-denial, continence; innocence, purity, virtue, morality
“a vow of chastity”

I like all the meanings of this because I am a virgin and am committed to celibacy for life. Chastity is the perfect first name for me. The next parts of my name are White and Rose. This link explains it all.

http://roseforlove.com/the-meanings-of-white-roses-ezp-36

And here is a quote from the beginning of it.

“The meaning of shimmering white roses is not very hard to decipher if you go by their appearance. The color white has always been synonymous with purity and virtue. And so, sincerity, purity, and chastity are some of the obvious meanings of a white rose. When you need to convince that your affections are straight from the heart and are as pure as virgin snow, use a white rose. But there are more hidden meanings in a white rose than meets the eye.

White has ever been a symbol of innocence, of a world unspoiled and untarnished. The meaning of a bunch of glowing white roses is innocence and spiritual love. The white rose glorifies a love that is unaware of the temptations of the flesh and resides only in the soul. As opposed to the red rose that speaks of passionate promises, the meaning of a white rose is in its simplicity and pristine purity.

Sometimes called “the flower of light”, one of the meanings of white roses is everlasting love – love stronger than death, an eternal love, undying and all sustaining. White rose speaks of a love that is sustained more by loyalty, reverence and humility than by red-blooded passion. So, in its capacity to worship someone till death, the meaning of a white rose is unchanging loyalty that endures beyond all else.

The white bouquet has been a tradition since Queen Victoria’s wedding in l840. It was in this romantic era that gentlemen started sending flowers to their lady friends to denote special meanings. The white rose is the queen of the bridal bouquet.

Here, the meaning of a white rose is something different altogether. A virgin carrying the white roses seeks to assure her loved one of her purity and innocence. Untarnished and untainted – the white rose is the bride on her wedding day. In the “language of the flowers” the meaning of white roses is “I am worthy of you”. The meaning of the white rose will not be lost on a groom when he sees his bride’s eyes filled with unchanging love and loyalty, a promise to stand by him through all.”

What I like about this is that I identify with light because I value honesty. I also declare my innocence by my refusal to condone any form of murder. I do not approve of killing animals whether human or another species. And specifically, I believe that the way to purity is chastity/celibacy because surely sex is the root of all human evil as it is the very thing that creates humans who then kill the other animals and destroy the planet in uncountable ways.

And the vegan I met at work is somebody that I hardly know and yet I respect her for she is an ethical vegan like me and I see no evil or violence in her. And I hope that she feels the same about me. But perhaps the most nagging question on my mind is: Why do I care how she feels about me? This I do not know and must meditate on the subject.