H: Hello Chastity, I can see you are troubled. You look tired even in the dream world. What is wrong?
C: I have been through the toughest time. I resigned from my job. It was what I had to do to protect what’s left of my physical and mental health.
H: It was hard on you wasn’t it? What happened?
C: About two months after surgery, I was having knee trouble. My right knee started locking up and shaking uncontrollably. I was hurting so bad at work but I had to keep working even though I was crying from the pain. That was until December 9 2020 when I could not stand any more, my right knee popped and I could not stand up on it. I had to be taken to the hospital and have some tests done. I had to walk with crutches for two weeks and do physical therapy. I finally regained the ability to walk but not as fast as before and I cannot run or dance as I once could! I missed two months of work and even when I finally returned, I was still not fast enough and because of my weak knees I was using my back to lift. One day I was putting on a shirt and I could hear a loud crack in my back. My body seems to be falling apart because that job was too much for me. I left on April 9 2021.
H: What happened when you left?
C: It was time for my monthly review. Because I was below quota too many times they told me that they would send my review to the corporate office and they would make the decision on whether to terminate my employment or not. I asked why they bothered with that process if the policy was for me to be terminated if I could not meet their requirements. They said that I could instead voluntarily resign instead. I took the option so that I could leave the job the same day rather than continuing to hurt my body while some higher up manager went through a process of deciding my case.
H: Do you feel that it was the right decision?
C: Yes. The top priority was protecting my own health. I feel as close to death as I have ever been. All the muscles in body are aching and the pain in my knees only goes away when I lay down. I’m not sure about what will happen to me but I know that now I may have the time to figure out what I am doing with my life.
H: What do you want to do?
C: I want to know that I am making a difference. I want my life to be more than just working a job for money and paying bills. There must be more purpose in my life than this. I just don’t know what it is!
H: Sounds like you’re going through a lot of changes. Do you not know what you want?
C: No, I have forgotten exactly what my life is about. I put everything I had into that job and I got my own apartment. I thought my life was just starting but now it looks like it could all be over. Everything I have could be taken away from me. I could be disabled for life and unable to work another job. I could be broke and homeless. I don’t even know who I will have left in my life. I feel so alone and scared.
H: Scared of what?
C: Scared that I failed in whatever my life was meant to be.
H: And you don’t know what your life is about?
C: No, I was hoping that maybe you could tell me.
Chastity White Rose 