The following is a copy of the text of my book which is also for sale on amazon.
Although I hope people do buy and read the paperback or kindle edition of my book, I did not write it to make money but to educate people who have misunderstandings about who I am, why I don’t have sex,and why this is so important.
The Vow of
This book contains my reasons why I have chosen to live a celibate life and remain a virgin for the rest of my life. At first I had no intention of writing such a book, however as I became aware of the discrimination against asexuals and other people who are celibate, I saw that a book like this might be helpful to them to show them that they are not alone. However it’s more than that for me personally. While most people have a few very specific reasons for being celibate, I have many different reasons. I suspect that I will need to publish future editions of this book as I discover more of my reasons and respond to criticism.
And people do criticize me. They think that a person who doesn’t want to have sex is somehow broken and needs to be fixed. And I’ll be the first to admit that I’m broken, but having sex isn’t going to fix me. I am happy with who I am and I don’t need validation from other people for my Vow of Chastity. While it may be a personal rant of frustration at the things people have said to me through the years, my hope is not for you to find humor in it nor for you to feel sorry for me.
My hope is that young people will read this before they have damaged their lives with sexual intercourse and the consequences that trap them and keep them from reaching their full potential. I also hope that there will be fewer abortions as a result of people waking up to the reality that celibacy is the solution to the problem of unwanted pregnancy.
It is also tied to Veganism because it is a nonviolent philosophy which seeks to avoid harming animals as much as possible. For this reason alone I will not procreate because each new human has the chance to harm animals like most people by buying and eating or wearing animal products.
In fact, the arguments for having sex are almost identical to the arguments for eating animal products. People get physical pleasure from something and therefore don’t think about the consequences to either themselves or others.
People often use their religion as an excuse for the things they do. Some people vow celibacy for religious reasons while others have lots of sex with lots of people and justify it with God’s command to be fruitful and multiply.
As such, it’s important to understand that my vow of celibacy has nothing to do with the teachings of any organized world religion and is in fact completely the opposite of what most people believe.
But when I was a Christian I first decided to be celibate so that I wouldn’t create children that would go to hell. I don’t understand why some people are willing to take that risk. But I have plenty of reasons for not wanting to have sex even though I am an atheist now.
My chosen name is Chastity White Rose. That’s not my legal or birth name of course because almost nobody would name their child such a thing. Most people do not name their child Chastity as a first name. Not because it’s not a pretty sounding name, but because of what it means.
If you search for Chastity on google, you will get this:
“the state or practice of refraining from extramarital, or especially from all, sexual intercourse.”
And this definition is the very reason I choose it as my new name. I am still considering whether a legal name change is a good idea or not. Most people know me by my dead name. What is a dead name you might wonder? It is the name your parents choose for you but not the one that you choose for yourself. Many transgender people change their name because someone who identifies as a girl doesn’t want to be called Robert just as someone who identifies as a boy doesn’t want to be called Maria.
Certain names are automatically seen as male or female names. This is a fine example of how gender and sex have completely ruined society. Gender is one of the worst social constructs ever and oppressed us similarly to religion and politics.
People don’t know they are being rude because gender, sexuality, and heterosexuality runs the world. This will of course always be the case because of natural selection, but I’m still annoyed by it and I have much to say. Some people just don’t fit into these expected conventions of society and I’m one of them.
Years ago I vowed celibacy for life. This is something that few people, if any, will fully understand.
Because I look like a man, people make all kinds of assumptions. They assume that I like sports, or that I’m interested in dating women and having sex with them.
Nothing could be further from the truth! And yet, people make so many assumptions based on someone’s physical appearance. What sex, color, and species you are born into sets the stage for the rest of your life. As long as I live I will suffer in certain ways that other’s will never understand. Just because the body I was born with does not match who I feel I am and wish to be.
Although people have a hard time understanding someone being gay or transgender, they have an even harder time understanding a Vow of Chastity. The idea that I will never have sex is even more extreme than people who are “waiting for marriage” or “waiting for the right person”.
There are many reasons why I will be a virgin for life. In this book I plan to go through each of them. I really only need one reason but the longer I have lived the more builds up.
I would say that I am an ethical virgin. That’s because it’s the same as being an ethical vegan. Not merely a personal preference or something I can be talked out of.
And if anyone who tries to convince me to have sex with them or anyone else, I can give them a copy of this book in the hopes that they will understand or at least that I will scare them away and they’ll quit bugging me.
So read on, if you dare, but I suggest you first understand being a vegan and educate yourself on the topic of what being an ethical vegan means. Many of my reasons directly flow from the fact that I am already vegan because I oppose murder of animals.
Veganism is a way of living which seeks to exclude, as far as is possible and practicable, all forms of exploitation of, and cruelty to, animals for food, clothing or any other purpose.
Vow of Chastity: Reason 0: To Avoid Procreation
My first principle is that procreation is unethical. To cause a new life to come into this world to suffer the pain we all experience and then die is the worst evil imaginable. When you create a new human to enter this world, you have no control over who they will be or what they will do. More importantly, you have no control over what others will do to them.
They may be happy and live a relatively nice life, or they could die of a painful disease at a young age or be shot to death in a school shooting. You cannot fully understand the consequences of bringing children into this world.
Anyone who does understand the causality of having biological children will avoid it.
I don’t avoid having sex because I’m thinking about myself. I do it because I’m not cruel. I have suffered many things in my life and I will not even take the chance that someone else could suffer the same things. I do not want others to experience hunger, poverty, sexual abuse, painful medical conditions, or the indoctrination of religion. I have suffered all these things and I do not wish them on anyone. What kind of evil monster would I be if I created someone who could experience even one of these evils?
But even if the person I created was completely happy and experienced nothing bad, it’s not worth the risk that they would cause suffering to others. If they are not a Vegan their whole life, they will be paying for the murder and rape of other animals and it would defeat the purpose of me being Vegan in the first place if I created a new carnist. Children do not always obey their parents or agree with them. It doesn’t matter if they are raised by Vegans.
But some people say: Ok so you don’t want to have kids, but why not just get a vasectomy and go get laid? There are so many reasons beyond avoiding procreation, but not wanting to reproduce is the single most important one. I still wouldn’t have sex even if it didn’t come with this risk because I think bodies are gross and don’t want to touch anyone.
The idea that procreation is wrong or that the human race should go extinct is not new and I’m not the first person to suggest it.
The official term for this idea is called anti-natalism. It literally means anti-birth. However I think it’s a stupid term because I’m not against anyone being born. I just wish their parents had never had sex in the first place.
So I don’t generally get along with other antinatalists because almost all of them support abortion. I’m the only one who chooses the nonviolent path of celibacy.
That said, I do agree with all of the philosophical reasoning of the most famous groups of antinatalists.
Below are a few links you can read for more information about the philosophy.
As much as I want the human species to go extinct, I do not support it by using any form of murder. First because I believe killing is wrong. Second, people are still having sex and will keep popping out twice as many kids as you can kill.
So the only way that my dream would become a reality would be if everyone either never had sex or was permanently sterilized through surgery.
It will not happen. I know this, but it must be said for it is the strongest component for my anti-sexual views expressed in this book.
It also explains why I generally like gay people better than straight people. Not because the acts they do are any less gross but because it’s less likely to lead to pregnancy.
For me personally, the biggest reason for being against procreation is because of being vegan. And particularly because sex results in procreation, celibacy is the MOST vegan thing you can do.
Celibacy and Veganism have so much in common that it’s hard to say which is more important. In fact it can be said that Celibacy is even more important than Veganism in terms of ethics and long term results.
In fact the true goal of Veganism is that the human race will stop breeding the other animals in the first place. They are bred (usually through artificial insemination) only to be enslaved, abused, and killed. If the whole world stopped using animal products such as meat, dairy, eggs, honey, leather, wool, and the vaccines which are produced using the bodies of animals, the result would be a huge reduction in the population of those animals.
Celibacy on the other hand is the exact same principle except that the goal is reducing the human population. Because most people are heterosexual, they continue to produce more and more babies constantly.
Because most people like having sex, their solution to the population epidemic is abortion. I dislike abortion because it’s no different than killing humans in any other way.
Celibacy is the only nonviolent alternative to abortion because so far nobody has invented a method for heterosexuals to have sex with a complete 100% guarantee that pregnancy will not result.
It’s well known that hormonal birth control that women take is not 100% effective.
Even vasectomy is not 100% effective. There are rare cases where something goes wrong and men who have had a vasectomy can still get a woman pregnant.
But for an illustration of why avoiding procreation is important, consider this.
Imagine a Vegan who although they do not use animal products themselves, they end up reproducing and create children who end up as carnists who just eat animals like all their friends do because it’s the socially acceptable thing to do.
By having children, a vegan fights against themselves by creating other people who will do the very opposite of what they themselves have vowed not to do. On the other hand, a carnist who does not reproduce actually causes less harm than a vegan who does.
That’s because the actions of the many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren will always overpower the actions of the original two heterosexuals that caused them to exist in the first place.
Therefore, if I had a choice between making everyone vegan or celibate, but not both, I would choose celibate because it results in zero harm to the animals after the human race goes extinct.
This first reason for being celibate to avoid procreation is different than every other reason in this book. This is because it’s the only one that is actually about morality or ethics.
There are many other reasons for avoiding sex such as avoiding STDs and the emotional heartbreak that comes from it, but those are reasons that you must evaluate yourself whether the benefits of having sex outweigh the risks.
However, procreation is not just something that affects you, and therefore is similar to all other immorality such as killing, lying, stealing, and rape.
By causing someone else to exist, you have caused them to do WHATEVER it is they do. This is because they would not be doing it if they did not exist, and they would not exist without their parents creating them.
This is particularly interesting in light of the fact that some people believe homosexuality is immoral. However it’s hard not to notice that all gay people were created through the heterosexual intercourse by their parents. Therefore if homosexuality is evil, then heterosexuality is even more evil.
But I don’t agree that homosexuality is evil, only heterosexuality is evil because it results in procreation.
But I also want to make clear that I am aware that nobody chooses their sexual orientation or who they are attracted to. However there is a difference between the desire and acting on the desire. It’s important not to confuse the two.
Someone might want sex but avoid it for moral reasons. Someone might like the taste of cheese but also avoid it to avoid the harm that comes to the cattle as a result. Sometimes doing the right thing means giving up pleasure if that pleasure also causes someone else harm.
Vow of Chastity: Reason 1: I’m broken
I was sexually abused as a child and suffer to this day in emotional and physical ways that only other rape victims can understand. I know that even if I wanted to have sex and there was no risk of pregnancy or STDs, I still couldn’t do it. It would only bring back memories that I don’t want to revisit.
The only reason I would tell people this is not for them to feel sorry for me or to make a point, but simply to get people to quit trying to change my mind. Humans have no respect for someone’s decision be celibate. They constantly tell them that they will change their mind or that they “haven’t met the right person yet”.
There is this belief that someone who is either asexual or celibate is broken in some way and needs to be fixed. This is why there are always people who feel it is their duty to get me to have sex with someone, and they don’t care who it is either! People want me to lose my virginity but not a chance. It’s all I have left. And to try to talk me into something sexual I don’t want to do with you or anyone else is exactly what a rapist would do. So go have sex with someone yourself if you love it so much but my lack of sex life is none of your business and you will not change my mind.
And the worst thing that someone could say to me is that I would be having sex like everyone else if I hadn’t been sexually abused. Even if that were true, it’s not helpful. And besides that, even if I was a normal non abused person and had sex, that wouldn’t make it right just because I did it.
But people do say similar things sometimes and I believe the reason they do so is just because they want to justify their own actions by convincing themselves that I would be doing exactly as they do if the situation was different.
But if that’s the case, then I’m glad I was raped as a two year old so that I did not end up like other people. I wouldn’t want to be.
I would rather be abused than be the abuser, I would rather be hurt than hurt somebody else.
Reason 2: I am not sexually attracted to people!
I have no clue what the feelings of humans are. However based on the way they talk, they just see a stranger they have never met and don’t even know their name, but they see their body and refer to them as “sexy” or “hot” and talk about how they want to fuck them. I know this well. As a man I’ve been around the way other men talk about women in particular. They see them only as something to have sex with. They have no interest in someone unless they think they’ve got a chance to convince them to have sex with them.
As bad as that is, there are those who simply rape them without any words exchanged. But either way they see them only as sex objects. And if I was heterosexual, I would probably think in the same way, but fortunately I am not. I’m not exactly homosexual either but even if I was, it doesn’t matter because I hate men. I cannot bear to look at my own body because it reminds me of the way the other men are and also reminds me of the penis that hurt me. I call myself asexual because I lack the desire to do sexual activity of any kind. But for me being asexual is not merely a sexual orientation but is connected to my ethical decision to avoid sex because of all the evils that result from it.
My feelings about the human body in general whether of males or females only brings pain. Pain from the past and pain because I know the future many will face as a result of the evil of sexual attraction. Sexual attraction makes it impossible for most humans to see people for their personality because the shape of their body is all you can see. I can see the other things that they miss.
And although I am asexual, I have been quite disappointed with the hostile nature of other asexual people because they never stop saying that asexuality and celibacy are not the same thing.
And because this ancient topic has annoyed me for years, here is my own explanation of what asexuality is and what celibacy is. Others may see it differently but I think this makes a lot of sense.
Asexuality: Lacking the desire to do sexual things.
Celibacy: Not doing sexual things.
The way I see it, one term is about the desire for the act and the other term is about whether you are actually doing the act.
An asexual person can have sex despite the lack of desire for it. It’s comparable to eating when you are not hungry.
A sexual person can still choose to be celibate even though they desire sex. They may have some of the same reasons as I mention in this book or entirely different reasons.
But in my opinion, the vast majority of asexual people would be what I call “accidentally celibate”. That is to say they are not having sex because it’s hard to fit something into your schedule that you don’t care much about. It’s the same reason I don’t vote in politics. Sure I could if I WANTED to, but the fact is, I DON’T.
As a result of this reality, many asexuals are annoyed by other people trying to talk them into having sex. Some of them go along with it and may even enjoy having sex, but this does not disqualify them from being asexual because they would never have done so without the pressure of others.
My advice to the sexual people out there is that if you really want to have sex with someone, find someone who actually wants it as much as you do. Don’t go trying to talk people into it who don’t want it. Not only is it rude, it makes no sense.
For those who are curious about asexuality and how it differs from my own Vow of Chastity, I recommend this book:
The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality
There is also another common word: “abstinence”. Although it is listed as a synonym of celibacy and chastity on Google, it has a slightly different usage.
Abstinence implies a type of “temporary celibacy”. Such as abstaining from sex until marriage.
Celibacy tends to be more of a permanent thing. Such as priests or nuns in the catholic church who vow never to have sex. Celibacy is much closer as a synonym to Chastity than abstinence is.
I want people to stop seeing celibacy as a religious idea and see it as a logical and practicable solution.
Vow of Chastity: Reason 3: I am Transgender
People don’t understand what being transgender means unless they themselves are transgender. It’s not the focus of this book but it’s certainly all that is required to keep me a virgin for life. That is because transgender people, according to society’s beliefs, are undesirable from a sexual standpoint. I’ve thought about this and also read opinions online that seem to indicate my theory is correct.
Most straight men don’t want a woman who doesn’t have a vagina. Most straight women don’t want a man who doesn’t have a penis. The whole basis of dating and sexual relationships is about them finding someone who has the genitals they prefer to use. If you don’t believe me, just go on YouTube and listen to the stories transgender people tell about their attempts to date people and the rejection they experience as people find out their genitals don’t match their overall appearance.
So assuming that all my previous reasons for celibacy were eliminated, anybody who wanted my penis or testicles would be disappointed when I get enough money and have them surgically removed, which is the goal. Aside from that I want someone who likes me for my personality, not what private parts they assume I have.
I think that the reason that the general public has a hard time understanding transgender people is because people automatically connect gender with biological sex. They are very different things.
I’ll use myself as an example. Because my biological sex is male(which means I was born with a penis and testicles, for those of you who don’t know), people automatically think that I like football or know something about cars. That’s because gender is a stereotype where people believe that certain activities or clothing have some connection with a person’s genitals.
It makes no sense that someone is expected to paint their nails or wear lipstick because they have a vagina. It also makes no sense that having a penis would make someone good at math or play sports. How people got these weird ideas is something I’ll never understand.
But I don’t concern myself with who has what body parts because either way I don’t want to see them or doing anything with them. I think clothes were a good invention for covering that ugly stuff up so we don’t have to look at it.
Vow of Chastity: Reason 4: I’m Rebellious
The more people try to talk me into having sex, the more angry I get and become even more convinced that I’ll be a virgin for life just to disobey them! Who do people think they are to tell me what I must do with MY body parts. And also, even if I did take their advice and go find a random stranger who wanted sex with me, do they seriously think that I would go and report to them and tell them about it?
My lack of sex life is none of anyone’s business, but people think it is. And because they think it is their business, I’ll tell them so much about what I don’t do that they’ll be sorry they asked.
I sometimes think that the reason people are so adamant about talking me into having sex is because they are jealous of me. They wish they had not screwed up their own life with all the problems that come from having sex.
People are not going to convince me to have sex anymore than I will succeed in convincing them to stop doing it. My message is both a rant of personal frustration at the rudeness of people and also to let others know to resist the pressure of society when they are trying to talk you into doing sexual things when you don’t want to.
It takes a very strong person to be celibate just as it takes a strong person to be a vegan. You’re in the minority and everyone assumes that whoever has the minority opinion or lifestyle is automatically wrong. This logical fallacy is known as Argumentum ad populum.
Because of the fact that heterosexuality is the method of reproduction, heterosexuality is and always will be the majority opinion and orientation in the world. Those who are asexual face the same stigma as homosexuality does because people think that something being rare automatically implies that it is wrong or that it doesn’t exist.
But even among asexual people, committing to celibacy for life is a minority within a minority. As such I would guesstimate that only 1 in every million people both lacks sexual desire/attraction AND also resists the pressure from society to have sex even when they don’t want to.
Vow of Chastity: Reason 5: The Abortion Issue
Long before I became a vegan, I first became very upset about the issue of abortion. I always saw it as both the murder of a child before birth and I also saw that it was the inevitable result of the fact that people wanted to have sex, whether or not they wanted the children that came as a result. This shaped my views on sexuality as a whole. I remember asking God to make everyone gay so that women would stop getting pregnant in the first place. Looking back it would have made sense to ask for everyone to be asexual, but I didn’t know that was a thing back then.
I don’t like talking about the abortion topic because most people hate me for my opinion as a Pro-Lifer. To this day I still see it as murder and I will NOT give a woman the choice to abort because I won’t get her pregnant in the first place. Sadly, some other man will. This was the original reason for the Vow of Chastity before I came to the understanding that I was asexual.
And although abortion should be illegal, I know that is not the solution. Celibacy is the solution because it is the only way to prevent a pregnancy from occurring in the first place. Abortion, whether legal or illegal, will continue to happen as long as people have straight sex. Therefore sex is the enemy of people who are TRULY Pro-Life.
Unless you’re doing homosexual acts instead. In that case you face the risk of STDs but you’re still not contributing to the issues of procreation or abortion. That’s why I’m heterophobic but absolutely love gay people.
One thing that used to happen frequently when I talked about abortion online was people telling me that if I don’t like abortion then I shouldn’t have sex. And I fully agree. I think they would do well to avoid sex too because apparently me staying a virgin isn’t enough to stop all the abortion. No, we have to get everyone to stop having sex if we actually want to end abortion.
The way I see it is that if others find it necessary to tell me not to have sex, then I’ll tell them the same thing. It’s probably the one and only thing that pro-choice people have ever said that makes sense. If only they would live by their own advice.
Vow of Chastity: Reason 5: To Avoid Driving a Car
Aside from living a life free of sex and animal products, I also don’t have any desire to drive a car. Part of it is the expenses of owning or leasing a car, but it’s much more than that. I do not want to drive because it would be stressful and would constantly worry about getting in wrecks.
I can get around by walking, biking, and paying other people to drive me places instead. This way I don’t pay the full price of having a car myself and I don’t have the anxiety of driving and constantly worried about my car breaking down or someone stealing it.
And besides, I spend almost all my time at my job during the week. It makes no sense to have a car only to drive to work 3 miles and then have it sitting there being useless while I work a ten hour shift.
But my mom on the other hand, she needs a car more than I do, but does anyone seem concerned about her? No. Instead they just like to boss me around and say:
You need a car! You need a car! You need a car! When are you gonna get a car? When are you gonna learn to drive? How do you go anywhere?
I swear people try as hard to get me to be a car driver as they do to make me believe in their god of their religion or try to get me to have sex. People need to mind their own business.
Vow of Chastity: Reason 6: To Live Alone
One major flaw I have observed with other people’s marriages or other relationships is that they live together in the same house or apartment. I have no desire to live with another person in my apartment with me. I want to be able to do what I want without another person in my way or have them in the bathroom when I need to poop.
Living with other people is annoying. I know from experience because I lived with my mom for 32 years before I was able to get a company to hire me full time and rent my own apartment. Until then, I had my mom interrupting me unexpectedly and couldn’t read a book, work on my programming, or talk to friends without her wanting or needing something. I couldn’t go on a walk without her asking me where I was going.
I like living alone because there is nobody to know or care how my place looks, make comments on what I wear, or know or care when I leave or want to know when I’m coming back. Living alone is the best experience I’ve ever had in my life and if I ever had to live with someone else again, it would only be because of financial reasons, not because I wanted to.
For this reason I came to the conclusion that even if I was a heterosexual or homosexual and wanted sex with somebody, I still wouldn’t want to live with them. So the end result would be the same as it is now. I like living alone and the last thing I need to do is get involved in a relationship with somebody else who would want to share the same space with me.
I can have friends over when I feel like but then not have them with me 24/7 because that gets really old. Some are less annoying than others but I would start to dislike anyone that I lived with if I never got a break and always had them talking to me.
Also, this is yet another reason to not procreate. It’s kind of hard to raise a child when you don’t want to live with them or their mother/father.
Vow of Chastity: Reason 7: Saving Time and Money
My reasons above are about avoiding sex because I want to avoid the harm that results from it. However there are additional personal benefits of celibacy that most people don’t consider. A lot of time and money is saved when someone doesn’t spend it on seeking sexual relationships and paying for the damage that results from their sexual choices like STDs and pregnancy. I’m really lucky that I don’t mess with all that because working a full time job and paying my bills is hard enough for me.
But the biggest benefit I have by being celibate is that I get to be myself. Someone who wants to have sex with someone will change their life to please that other person and gain their approval. But I can speak how I really feel and make all my life choices without thoughts like “How will this affect my spouse?” or “How do I explain this to my kids?” I keep my identity and have nothing to lose, this is what makes me different and I wish everyone had this opportunity, but for many, it’s too late.
More time for computer programming and video games, fewer medical problems, saving money by not spending it on children or paying for birth control, etc. So many things that people don’t think about.
Vow of Chastity: Reason 8: Because Relationships are Annoying and Scary
As someone who has never been in a relationship that could be described as romantic or sexual, I only know about it from watching other people, usually in movies because I avoid real people whenever I can. It seems relationships have all kinds of rules. I can’t tell you how many movies I’ve seen where some woman is mad at a man because he forgot her birthday or the anniversary of their relationship.
And apparently there are different stages/layers/levels of relationships. Here is what they look like based on my observation.
Level 0. I don’t care enough about you to even know your name or what is important to you.
Level 1. You look nice, can I have sex with you?
Level 2. OMG I think I love you!
Level 3. I’m bored now, I’m breaking up with(or divorcing) you.
These seem to be the basic outline of what happens with people. It’s painful just to watch other people go through this same old cycle over and over.
I honestly don’t know how people find time for that nonsense. Between working a full time job, taking my mom to the library, going grocery shopping, playing video games, and doing computer programming projects I just don’t have time for people and their complicated emotions that change constantly.
I like things that are predictable and can be trusted. If I’ve learned anything by watching the drama of people’s relationships, I know that all it takes is the slightest change in hormone levels or blood sugar before one spouse or other kind of partner murders the other.
I know that there are examples of marriages or other relationships that are longer lasting and where people really do care about each other. However they are exceptionally rare. Most often people go into these types of romantic or sexual relationships thinking entirely about what they can get from the other person. Over time they may learn to love the other person, but it’s more of an accidental afterthought.
And most of the time, the relationship only started because someone was sexually attracted to the other person. If this remains the entire foundation of the relationship, then it will end as previously described.
However sometimes the relationship becomes one of mutual understanding and communication where a connection becomes so important than it survives even after the sexual feelings for that person end.
But for the person who is committed to celibacy, there is very little chance that they will end up in a relationship of that type. They can have many friends that they know very well but as soon as one of them starts having a sexual interest in them, they will have to tell them to move on.
But I consider friendship to be on a higher level than the type of relationships that are based on sex. If you truly care about the person themselves and not how their body looks, then you will not throw them away as soon as temporary hormonal feelings fade.
And for many asexuals, there are no hormonal feelings about the other person in the first place and so the entire foundation is different. But even if the feelings are there at the beginning, be aware that they may go away and then you will truly be tested and find out what your relationship is truly about.
Vow of Chastity: Reason 9: To Avoid Religion
One of the most unexpected things about me is that I am an atheist and no longer believe in the gods of any major religions nor follow the rules that religions teach about sexuality.
Each religion has specific rules about what kind of sex someone is allowed to have and with who. This is much too complicated for me. I don’t follow any of these rules and if I truly didn’t have a strong repulsion to all things sexual and also have moral objections to it, I could in fact do any sexual act without hesitation because I’m not worried about following the rules provided by Christianity like I was told growing up(no sex before marriage, don’t be gay, etc).
And I am a rare one because usually celibacy is a religious vow of someone devoting themselves to their god or beliefs and therefore giving up sex to achieve some form of spiritual purity or some other such idea.
But I think that religion is generally a bad idea and often has bad advice when it comes to sex. In fact I feel even more committed to celibacy because otherwise I would have to seek a person to have sex with and then I might get annoyed at their religious beliefs and the drama that goes along with it.
As much as I don’t like it, for many people sex is a big part of their life. And in a similar way, so is their religion. In fact more often than not, their entire concept of sexuality is directly from their religion rather than their own feelings on the topic.
For example, the most common teaching is to not have sex before marriage. In fact there is no shortage of Christians on the internet with long lists of reasons not to have sex before marriage. However, it seems all of the reasons they give for not having sex before marriage are ALSO good reasons to not have sex even when they are married!
And what is marriage anyway? For religious people, it is described as some spiritual union that god plans and wants them to have lots of heterosexual relations in order to “be fruitful and multiply”.
But for someone who is atheist or secular in general, they probably see marriage as a piece of paper from the government that affects how they file their taxes. Marriage means very little in a non religious world. There are some key reasons for this.
Theists and Atheists view the world in very different terms. Theists see everything in the world as being designed by a creator or “intelligent designer” who has intentionally made things to be the way they are.
Atheists generally can have any belief they like about the way things are, although many tend to believe the explanations of scientists about how things work and their possible origin. Many believe in evolution by natural selection, though this is not required. The only thing that atheists have in common for sure is the lack of a belief in the type of creator that a theist would believe in.
But when speaking of sex specifically, the approach of a theist is generally that God created sex and expects people to do it(in very specific circumstances).
An atheist may or may not have sex but they don’t necessarily place the same importance on it as a theist might because sex is just something that many animals do and primarily because it results in reproduction.
But the primary point is that whether atheists have sex or not is more of a personal decision rather than because some dude named God wants them to have sex or reproduce.
And my personal decision is to keep my body pure from a disgusting act that spreads disease and results in procreation. There is no sense in doing something I don’t want to do when there is no valid reason to do it.
I would have still ended up celibate whether I believed in a god or not, but it’s a lot easier as an atheist because I don’t have to constantly get involved with people who have their own beliefs about what types of sex they think I am obligated to have because some deity wants me to. I don’t want to and that’s enough.
But it’s also true that sexuality is one of the key reasons I don’t believe in an intelligent creator. The way mammals reproduce is extremely gross and spreads disease. Additionally pregnancy and giving birth is incredibly painful for females. It would seem that a god worth believing in would have not allowed animals to reproduce through such a horrible method.
In fact it would make a lot more sense, if the world was truly created by a good and powerful god that he would create the exact number of life forms that were ideal and that they would never reproduce and also never die and live in perfect health and happiness. Instead we live in a world of constant death and constant reproducing, only to have more death as those species breed past the available food supply and starve.
Vow of Chastity: Reason 10: Because I Promised Myself
Even if somebody shot down my many other reasons for not wanting to have sex, and even if somehow I was struck by lightning in a certain place that caused me to feel sexually attracted to somebody, I’m forbidden by my own promise/vow/covenant to celibacy just as I am bound by my vow to life as a vegan.
People have forgotten what a promise is. People make promises they can’t keep, they make promises they don’t intend to keep. When I say that I will do something, I do my best to do it. When I say that I will not do something, usually the promise is easy to keep because not doing things is so much easier than doing things!
There are others who see it as a challenge to fix,correct, or cure someone who doesn’t want sex. You gain nothing by it even if you succeed. And even if you could convince someone to go against their desires, convincing someone to go against a strong moral decision they’ve made is arguably much harder and also takes a special kind of sadistic rudeness. This is very much like trying to convince an ethical vegan to start eating meat or cheese.
You may wonder why I would be so adamant about committing to celibacy for life. You probably think I’ll change my mind and say that I should be open to the idea that I may feel differently in the future.
This book is a reminder to myself as well as others of my promise of celibacy, my Vow of Chastity
There exist pedophiles who although they are sexually attracted to children they do not act on their desire because they know it is wrong. Their example is one that others can follow regardless of their sexual orientation.
I run the Celibate Vegan Voices Podcast with my cohost Monique Lukens.
The show was formerly called Celibate Vegan Compadres and so the links above still show that.
My email address that I created when I chose my new name is:
Contact me if you want to talk or want more information about what I do. I’m on social media too although I don’t often use it for much.
There are others who see the connection between celibacy and veganism. If you’re one of them let me know and I’ll add your links to the list below.
There are many very good documentaries and books explaining veganism. Some of the best were already compiled by my good friend Poffo.
I also love this movie:
It’s more focused on health than ethics but shows how strong vegans can be.
And also this one which is more similar to the list above focusing on the animals.
Also here is the first book I read on veganism:
Even if you don’t become a celibate, I hope you would at least become a vegan.
I first published this book as a Kindle book on Christmas 2019. At the time I didn’t have enough pages to reach the 24 page minimum for a self published paperback on Amazon.
That’s because it really doesn’t take 24 pages to explain being a celibate vegan for life. At least it should not. However people either misunderstand my views or they are opposed to the ideas that I write about.
First, because most humans are Carnists/Non-Vegans, they completely dislike the idea that it’s wrong to buy meat, dairy, eggs, honey, leather, etc because it pays for the murder and rape of animals. In fact most are not aware of what really happens to these animals because of their demand for these products.
But perhaps even more confusing to them is the idea of never having sex. Most humans like having sex and are constantly fed messages through every movie that sex is what life is all about.
As far as I know, I’m the only person in the world who actually states that sex is wrong/immoral/unethical.
Certain religions and social groups believe that certain form of sexuality are wrong. Most notably the teachings of Christianity and Islam that homosexuality is wrong or that sex with someone you’re not legally married to is wrong.
And they often tell young people to be abstinent or celibate until marriage.
But what I’m actually saying is that even heterosexual sex among people who are married and in a committed relationship is still wrong.
That’s because of the various harms that come with it. The most obvious is pregnancy. Also obvious is the sexually transmitted diseases.
But there are other less obvious harms aside from these main two.
When talking about sex, it’s not just the physical act that people do. Along with it comes emotional and financial connections that often destroy people’s lives.
Not only are people’s sexual relationships the focus of nearly every movie or TV show, but none of us live very long without seeing the heartbreak of relationships ending or experiencing it ourselves.
As an example: are many divorces that happen because one spouse wants to have sex and the other person doesn’t. There are places on the internet where I’ve seen women share their heartbreaking stories about their husbands divorcing them after they no longer wanted to have sex anymore.
Also there are many people who are asexual and have very little or no interest in having sex. These people are often very confused and lonely wondering why they can’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife without having to have sex.
Some people want to have a strong emotional bond with someone but they don’t want to pay the price using sexual currency. The problem is that since the unwritten or unspoken expectation of these relationships is based on the belief that one person believes they will convince the other to have sex with them.
And I can tell you that people have tried to talk me into dating or having sex with them and I honestly felt as if I was just a object to them. Something for them to use. I also had no desire to do such things and in fact don’t even have the same emotions as other humans to understand why someone would want to do gross physical acts that spread disease.
The result is that I am destined to be alone, whether I want to or not, because I will not participate in something like that.
And so the ultimate reason I wrote this book is not because I believe the whole world will stop having sex or even go vegan. I wrote this as a message to to world to say the following:
No I don’t want to have sex with you. No I don’t want to produce biological children. No, I don’t want to live in the same apartment as you.
No, I don’t want to have some complicated hormonal psychological bond with you that distracts me from my goals and dreams in my life.
The idea that some people try to change the mind of someone who has explicitly stated that they don’t want to have sex is incredibly insulting. They have shown that they don’t care about the person at all and only view them as a challenge and try to see if they can manipulate them into doing something they don’t want to do.
As an example of what I am talking about, I recommend you watch the following YouTube series:
People say crazy things to people who don’t want to have sex. It’s very similar to the same treatment when people try to feed vegans animal products against their will. To intentionally force someone to do something they don’t want to do is a crime and is not funny.
That’s why it was so important to write this book. Besides ranting my own frustration at this sexual world, I also want to let others know they are not alone in their celibate quest.
This is the end of this book for now. But next time somebody comes up with a new reason I should have sex, I’ll come up with an even better reason not to.