Although it’s hard to admit it, I sometimes get jealous when I see married couples or people who are dating each other and refer to themselves as a boyfriend/girlfriend or significant other. This happens around valentines day when everybody seems to have somebody that is a special person to them that they spend time with. However for me I don’t believe that I will ever experience a person like that that I know very well and enjoy being around them.
The closest thing I have to that is when I go over to a friend’s house and we play video, card, or board games. I like playing games even when I’m alone but there is a lot of fun when I’m playing Mario Kart or Super Smash Bros. with other people because of all the funny things that happen. Those are absolutely my favorite times because I’m away from the usual stress of life and I finally relax.
But in general, I don’t even have many people I could call friends. A lot of people know me at work and like me but they don’t know the real me and they don’t know all my secrets. I still would like there to be somebody in my life who knows everything about me but still accepts me and enjoys being around me. To this day nobody meets that description because I keep a lot of things about myself quite private. I will only share some things with people I trust but nobody except myself knows all that I have been through and how I feel about things.
And if there is such a person out there who truly comes to know me and still does not reject me, then I’ll be very glad. I know that I am not looking for a sexual relationship of any sort but I would have no problem with having such a person as a roomate for example if we got along really well. I just feel quite distant from people and lonely although I also like being alone to do the things I enjoy. I feel like I’m full of contradictions and that maybe all these feelings will go away someday but so far it hasn’t happened.
Chastity White Rose 