This post will be sort of different because I decided to only share it on my blog and not post to social media except perhaps the link. I do not want people commenting unless they have actually read or listened to what I said before making assumptions. This is an extremely difficult thing to talk about because there are many wrong ideas about Asexuality spreading on the internet. Because of this the term has become almost meaningless. I shall explain this in detail.
The wikipedia page states that “Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity.”
I am Asexual but…
I do not currently wish to identify as Asexual because there are tons of people calling themselves asexual, meaning that they lack sexual attraction and/or are not interested in sex, yet at the same time they will mention that they regularly have sex to please their partners or even become prostitutes for the money. This means of course that they are participating in something that they don’t actually want to do but do to please others or just to survive. Since they are living a dishonest lifestyle by doing that which they say they don’t want to do, they may has well just admit they are allowing themselves to be raped. As such, Asexuality has become a term associated with justifying rape. Doing something because you are afraid your partner will leave you is not consensual. Doing something for money is not either because money does not create consent. I personally have never had sex nor do I want to, but I am pretty sure that no one should force you to do anything you don’t want to do, even playing Tetris! I feel bad for people who do this but I also think they have ruined the meaning of Asexuality. As such, I identify as a celibate, which is a word that at least retains its meaning as someone who does not have sex, usually for personal or religious reasons, regardless of their actual sexual orientation.
A second reason I do not identify as asexual is because I am actually still unsure of my sexual orientation. I may very much still fit the part of the definition of asexuality as “low or absent interest in or desire”. In fact I would say my desires or fleeting thoughts are very very very low, but not absent. I feel things I can’t explain, I do things I can’t explain, and I even have dreams that I can’t explain. I also know that feelings or desires can change and that a person like me can still be committed to my lifelong Vow of Chastity regardless of what I might feel like at the time.
A third reason that asexual might not be a good term for me and others is that there is no longer a universal agreement about what is considered sexual activity. When I was a teenager and first learned about sex from Christian books and/or whatever the perverted pastor was preaching, I understood it to be penis in vagina sex. I thought that was THE definition and at the time was also being taught that it was God’s will for people to do this only in the context of marriage. But these days, people are doing anal, oral, or other forms of things that they are calling sex. Some would even consider kissing to be a sexual act, although I personally don’t think it is sexual, only very gross.
A fourth reason to drop the term asexual is because it makes very little sense for a transgender person to identify as other labels because being transgender by itself is hard for society to understand. Although I would say that a gender transition is likely to turn you celibate because removing genitals can definitely alter hormone levels and obviously makes certain forms of sex impossible. But the actual feelings or lack thereof, whether they are considered straight, gay, bisexual, or asexual, are not in the genitals themselves but rather in the brain or perhaps even the soul.
A final note is that nothing I said here should be taken as an attack on anyone who uses the term asexual to describe themselves. However, I find myself distancing myself more and more from the label Asexual just as I dropped the label of Christian years ago because the word itself has become associated with things I do not support. I believe in only using words that honestly communicate what I really mean to say.
Chastity White Rose 