How toilets interpret shit

The fundamentalist toilet says God created the shit and has a purpose for it. The evolutionist toilet says the shit evolved from another species over billions of years. The agnostic toilet doesn’t know if there is any shit. The apathetic toilet doesn’t give a shit. The president toilet say shit should be safe, legal, and rare. The pro-choice toilet says “my shit my choice”. The determinist toilet says that all shit is the inevitable effect of prior causes. The indeterminist toilet says that shit randomly happens. The libertarian toilet says the shit happened of its own free will. The pastor toilet preaches the doctrine of original shit. The merciful toilet says “your shit is forgiven”. The ethicist toilet thinks about the moral thing to do in the current shituation. The calvinist toilet says that some shit is predestined to go to heaven and other shit goes to hell. The apologist…