Birthday 2021

May 15 is my birthday. I am 34 years old today and for the first time, I am actually quite satisfied with where I am in life. That was not the case 3 years ago, however. At that time I was in both physical and emotional pain. I also did not trust anyone enough to talk about my struggles because I believed nobody cared except my mother and yet I thought she could not relate to my type of problems.

But things have changed a lot in the past 3 years. I still see much evil in the world and it is easy to get depressed, but I have also been able to see the good in myself and others. I have a much better understanding of who I am and what I believe. I do not know where I will be going next in life but I’ll try to enjoy the journey.

One of the biggest things that caused the change was the day I started writing a story. I started out writing a story of a perfect paradise where no animals were hurt. But then something rather unusual happened, I started having a conversation with a unicorn in this world that was like a dream. Sometimes I was writing what I remembered from a dream while I was asleep.

Other times it was as though the dream was happening even while I was awake. I would probably have looked conscious to others but I was not fully present in the physical world and would often have no memory of what I had just been doing. I am not exactly sure what was going on but I came to realize I do not know what reality is anymore. Honesty the Unicorn talked to me about all my thoughts and feelings and I don’t know how much I was writing the story and how much the story was writing me. I published these conversations as books and have been trying to share them with the world.

And so I would like to start a new tradition this year on my birthday. What I want from my friends and family is not presents, parties, or birthday cards in the mail. I just want people to read this story and let me know what you really think of it. You will probably think I am just mentally insane, and yet, I know something has happened to me that is beyond labels. I hope that you also meet your truth if you haven’t already. I met mine, and its name is Honesty. The unicorn healed me with its silver horn of truth. The legends are true.

Part 4: Chapter 16: Unicorn Strength

C: Yes, Honesty, I will keep doing what I know I must do, although I do not see any reason to believe I will be successful. Most people don’t listen to me and I am unable to say the right words at the right time. I stutter when I am nervous and people judge me for my autistic disabilities or because I am not a Christian or because they are turned off by my vegan and transgender ways.

H: Yes but your message is not for those people. Some people are not willing to listen no matter what you say because they don’t want to know the truth. It’s not because of who you are or your perceived weirdness that makes them not listen. It’s that they don’t want to give up what they have.

C: But doesn’t progress require everyone to all come to an agreement? Can there really be peace or an end to suffering if everyone is in their own reality? If half the people see the truth while the other half either remains ignorant or doesn’t care about how their actions affect others, I will never see the world that I would like to see. A world where everyone’s life is respected equally and where we can all be happy. Everyone! Human, cow, sheep, pig, chicken, black, white, male, female, intersex, rich, poor. All of us are the same! All of us are one! How then is it that we are still separated and opposing each other?

H: I have some bad news for you, Chastity. The world may never be as perfect as you would like it to be. Nonetheless, you have seen that life has value even though it is full of suffering. The truth is that every good thing is defined by the very opposite of what you would like. You came to this understanding that all of us are one connected life but you came to this knowledge by great pain. Had your life been easier you might not be the person you are now. The suffering you experienced led you to seek the truth in ways that others cannot because they have too much to lose. Do you remember the story of Jesus talking to the rich young man who asked how to inherit eternal life?

C: The time where Jesus said “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God”?

H: Yes, that’s the one. What do you think Jesus meant by that statement?

C: That those who have things they want to keep have a hard time changing because they don’t want to lose what they have. Jesus told the rich man to sell what he had and give the money to the poor and then come and follow him. After that he just walked away sad.

H: Yes. That’s because a person may not want to hear something because it means that if they accept it, they have to give up everything they have. They could lose friends, family, their job, or even killed for speaking the truth or living according to the truth they have been given. For this reason, narrow is the way that leads to life and there are few who find it. The more you have to protect, the more afraid you are and less willing to change when you find new information.

C: Is this why all the most important people I know in my life have endured great suffering and are often alone without friends or family to support them in hard times?

H: Yes, because those are the people who went against the majority and expected actions, appearance, and beliefs of their culture. They have lost much but gained so much more, although they don’t always see it. It’s not easy to stare the ugly truth in the face and yet still go on living. This is often why so many of the very best people either die by suicide or end up using something else to distract them from the pain of their own lives or the pain they witness.

C: I see. I already didn’t have all that much to begin with and it was easy for me to try things that no one else would be willing to do. I didn’t value my life and so I was willing to take huge risks and do the craziest things. I joined the Navy, I left Christianity and found my own way, I became Vegan, I got a full time job even though at the time I didn’t have a clue how I was going to get to work each day when it was 9 miles away. I fought doctors until I found someone willing to remove my testicles, I published my books which contain almost my entire life history! I did it all because I had no fear!

H: Yes, and always remember to keep this memory of how you did what you did in the past. Many times yet in the future you will be tested even beyond anything you have experienced so far and there will come a time when you will be tempted to tell less than the truth because you will have things and people in your life that you are afraid of losing. But when this happens remember that you have the strength of a unicorn and when these times come you will do what you know is right even if everyone around you tries to tell you that you are wrong. Fear not, neither be dismayed, for I am your Unicorn. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my Silver Horn of Truth!

After the unicorn said these things, Chastity awoke from the dream and understood where she came from and where she was going. She had the strength to not let anyone tell her who she was or what she should be doing. She pondered over everything Honesty had said.

C: Yes, Honesty was right. Living in truth is the only way to truly be alive. I will do my best to remember the message of Honesty the Unicorn and not to do something because I am afraid but because I know I am doing what feels true to me. When the time comes, I’ll know what is right. And I have a feeling that I will see Honesty the next time I need the strength of a unicorn.