Chastity White Rose

Tag: love

  • The Power of a Smile

    I work at Walmart, and I am the one famous for smiling all the time. This behavior is non-characteristic of autistic people like me, as far as I am aware. The truth is that I use it as a mask to hide what I am really thinking. I use a sense of humor to act like I am not bothered by the offensive things people say and do. Surviving in society and working a job requires me to be an actor. I dislike this because it feels dishonest, and yet I know I can’t say what I am really thinking about because it has nothing to do with work, nor is it socially acceptable to say.

    I very clearly remember multiple instances when I smiled at someone, and then they acted really uncomfortable, and one even ran away. I have realized I have the power to get rid of people by smiling at them in a way I have been told is creepy. And yet, I don’t actually know how to smile like a human.

    In any case, I have come to see a smile as an illusion that society forces us to maintain, or else there is severe punishment. If I were to show my real feelings towards certain people, I would probably be fired or even attacked. I think that if I ever have a real smile, it is when nobody is watching and I am alone. I will remain mysterious because it makes me safe, and it is fun to annoy people with the power of a smile.

    “Just because you see a smile, don’t think you know what’s going on underneath. A smile is a valuable tool, my dear! It inspires your friends, keeps your enemies guessing, and ensures that no matter what comes your way, you’re the one in control.” – Alastor the Radio Demon

  • Chapter 16: Pedophilia is no Joke

    An event happened that made me feel suicidal in the winter near Christmas time. A team lead at Walmart decided it would be a good idea to bother me while I was stocking the baking aisle A17. He decided to ask me if I wanted to have children. I told him maybe if I were married and wanted to adopt children. And he said, “No, I mean HAVE children in a way like pedophilia”.

    I was upset at the time, but told him I would never hurt a child because I know what it’s like to be molested. He went on, and I went back to stocking and trying to look like I was okay. Inside, I was thinking, “What the hell?!?!?! Why would he even ask me that?”

    A few days later, I questioned him on why he asked me that. He said he was joking, but I said it was not something to joke about at work and distract me from my job. He said, “Why does it bother you if it’s not true?”

    He apologized, reluctantly, in the presence of the overnight coach who witnessed our short fight.

    I was not completely satisfied with this, and he still made plenty of sexual jokes over the next few months. After a while, I really started wondering if he jokes this way with everyone (not good), or if he specifically is targeting me because I am a transgender woman.

    At first, I was afraid to report it because I knew the history of LGBTQIA+ people being accused of all being child molesters. It also became more prevalent during this time because of the open political hatred of transgender people during 2024 and 2025. Therefore, I had reason to believe I could be arrested just on the accusation of being a person who was sexually attracted to children, even if I had never done anything to suggest this was true, nor would I have done something sexual to a child even if it were true.

    I had a difficult decision to make:

    1. Report to ethics and get fired because they will probably think I am a pedophile, and then call the police. I could be written into a sex offender registry, quite possibly be sent to a men’s prison, and be raped by actual violent criminals.

    2. Quit my job to avoid seeing this team lead, who apparently thought I was a pedophile and that it was some kind of joke to ask me about it.

    3. Commit suicide because I live in a world where other transgender women are murdered every single day by transphobic people who assume they are criminals and deserve it.

    4. Stay silent and hope the problem goes away.

    I chose option 4 for longer than I should have; however, Pride Month of 2025 broke me emotionally. I started working on my book, Walking the Rainbow Bridge, for my Portfolio 3 project with Full Sail University.

    During this time, I did a lot of research and read the worst transphobic content on the internet. I became very depressed as I considered how dangerous the situation was. Finally, I decided to make a report against this team lead to protect other people. No matter what happens to me, I don’t want him to talk to someone else this way.

    1. It is simply unacceptable to distract someone from the work they are being paid to do with personal matters that should not be discussed in the workplace.
    2. Even if someone is a pedophile, this is not the same as a child molester. People don’t have to have sex with someone they are attracted to. Therefore, they are not a threat to anyone, especially if all they are doing is stocking shelves at Walmart.
    3. Pedophilia is no joke. It is an unfortunate condition to be attracted to children sexually. I feel bad for these people because they were also born with a brain that does not operate in a way society understands, and they face much persecution. This topic is nothing to joke about; no matter who you are or what your position is, it is not funny.

    Also, to make matters clear, a Pedophile is someone who is sexually attracted to children. A child molester is someone who actually tries to have sex with children. A person can be a pedophile but never have sex with children. A person can molest a child even if they are not a pedophile. These two things are only loosely related.

    I am tired of being treated as if I were some kind of danger to children. I was quite offended and depressed at the thought that this team lead thought that I wanted to have sex with children. Even now, I worry about what led him to think this about me. Is it because I am transgender, or is he trying to tell me something about himself? Either way, this has no place at Walmart or anywhere, for that matter, except perhaps a therapist’s office.

    The only reason I wrote this is so that people are aware of the reality that the innocent rainbow people are often accused of unspeakable crimes against children. But that’s not even the worst part. Those who are raping children are not the ones being called pedophiles. Most children are raped by their own fathers or a catholic priest. An overnight stocker at your local Walmart is not someone you should be afraid of. But that one team lead who thinks Pedophilia is some kind of joke, I still worry about him whenever I have to work overnight at Walmart.

    The conversation on the topic of Pedophilia should be had only outside of the workplace, but I do believe it is worth discussing. There are two main types of pedophiles.

    1. The people sexually attracted to children who will try to rape them if they have the chance.
    2. The people sexually attracted to children who, despite being sexually attracted to them, know that children cannot consent to sexual behavior of any kind. They know it is wrong to hurt children and would never do anything.

    However, society in general does not know the difference between these two types. More importantly, those who are born with the unfortunate condition of being attracted to children don’t really have a way to seek help. If they talk to a therapist about it, that therapist will probably be required to report it to others, and therefore, the person ends up on a sex offender registry, despite not committing any crime or even intending to.

    Therefore, the sad truth is that it seems the only option for a pedophile is to commit to a life of celibacy and keep their attraction a secret. Perhaps this is why the profession of being a catholic priest seems so attractive to people with this condition.

    But I also can’t help but wonder why people have repeatedly accused me of being a pedophile. My only guess is that they take my lack of sexual interest and lack of any activity as a sign that I am the same as those priests who claim to be celibate but are raping children.

    The difference is that I am a celibate person, not because the catholic church mandates it, but because it is the right thing to do. Unlike most Christians who view homosexuality as a sin, I apply the same standards to all sexual activity, no matter whether it is heterosexual, homosexual, adult, or child.

    I would prefer a world where biological sex and genitals didn’t even exist. Then no more children would be hurt. I say this as a child who was raped at the age of two years old.

    No, I am not a pedophile, and no, I do not in any way condone sexual relations with children. However, if being paranoid and protecting your kids from anyone who you think is a threat keeps them safe, then I suggest you do so.

    I have intentionally held back writing this chapter for months, even though it was on my mind constantly. However, just a few days ago, on September 10th, 2025, Charlie Kirk was shot in the neck and died very quickly. I just wanted to make sure that before someone shoots me in the neck that I have written what I need to say. Every death is a reminder of how short and unpredictable life is. Don’t wait until it is too late to write the book you have been planning, spend time with your loved ones, and live authentically for what you believe in, even though doing so is probably why someone will shoot you for it.

  • Chapter 11: What the Gay Marriage Debate is REALLY about

    When I was in my early twenties, I heard the occasional mention of gay marriage. At the time, I did not understand why it was a big deal, nor did I have a clue why gay people wanted so badly to be married. I figured that marriages were doomed from the start and that if gay people wanted to be as miserable as straight people, then let them have same sex marriage!

    But that was over 15 years ago, and since then, I have learned so much more in terms of what the debate over marriage equality is about. I can tell you with certainty that it is about money as well as other important rights and privileges that governments only give to married people.

    There are more than 1100 benefits that married couples receive that single people don’t have access to. The following links cover them in more detail than I could ever explain on my own.

    http://www.whymarriagematters.org/pages/protections-and-responsibilities-of-marriage

    https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/201804/unearned-privilege-1000-laws-benefit-only-married-people

    https://www.getlegal.com/legal-info-center/family-law-divorce/marriage/

    I must admit, I was very surprised to hear that there were so many laws that affect married people and that they pay less taxes than single people. I even remember hearing someone in a podcast mention that he only got married for the tax benefits.

    Silly me, I thought that marriage was just a contract of commitment and a ceremony to tell your other friends and family that: “Hey, this person is special to me and I want to spend the rest of my life with them. Anyone who hurts them will get a good old country ass wuppin.”

    I know that my opinion as a Confused Virgin doesn’t count for much on the topic of marriage. However, that raises other questions:

    • Why are married people respected more than single people
    • Why would the government and health insurance companies be so financially invested in making people get married just so that they get financial benefits?
    • Why have these same rights and privileges been denied to people of the same sex who basically live like straight married couples do?
    • And most importantly, shouldn’t marriage be between two people instead of the government and random strangers who get offended about other people’s marriages?

    It seems there is a lot more to this topic, and my thoughts have evolved a lot over the past 20 years. I naturally support gay marriage because I want my Rainbow people to experience these benefits the same way straight people do.

    But at the same time, a part of me says that maybe the idea of legal marriage should be abolished entirely. I think that having the entire legal and economic system forcing people to get married for financial reasons or just to give someone health insurance can lead to dishonesty. People may get married to the wrong person and then have a nasty divorce later, all because they got married for tax benefits.

    But the law is not the only problem. People also respect married people more than single people. If you happen to be a 38-year-old single virgin, people look at you and wonder what the hell is wrong with you that nobody wants to partner with you.

    Moreover, it draws suspicion. After a while, people who should be minding their own business start coming up with their own theories as to why certain people are single and never married.

    But I believe in living a life of honesty, and therefore, I am glad that I did not end up in the wrong marriage. If someone gets married to a person of the opposite sex just to gain legal benefits or to avoid judgment by society for being single, then they may face trouble.

    • A gay man may be having sex with his wife while he is really thinking about his secret gay partner that he would rather be with, if only it were legal.
    • An asexual person may not enjoy sex, but they are afraid to tell their spouse for fear that they will leave them, and they could potentially become homeless without their partner’s income and support.
    • A transgender person may wish to come out and be their true selves. Still, they know that their spouse would certainly divorce them if they did not approve of their transition, or they just could not take the criticism from society for being married to someone who is so hated by most of the population.

    I can tell you, being single gets lonely sometimes, but there are benefits to being single that people who got married at a young age will also never experience. I wish happiness to all the people: gay or straight, single or married.

    Everyone must do what is right for them. At no point should the government or anyone else be rewarding or punishing people for who their partner happens to be, or if they cannot find anyone at all who wants to be with them.

  • Preface for Walking the Rainbow Bridge

    The year is 2025. Many strange things have happened this year. This year is a time of economic collapse, with rising unemployment rates and a lack of ability to communicate or listen. Many of my people have committed suicide this past year in response to the hatred they have received.

    You may wonder what it is I am talking about. I am speaking primarily about the LGBTQIA+ community and the violence and discrimination against them. In many places, it is possible to be killed for not appearing as the gender someone wants you to look or talk like. It is also possible that your family will disown you and kick you out of the house before you have graduated high school because they found out that you are attracted to someone of the same sex rather than the opposite sex.

    Transgender and gay people are not the only ones who face additional challenges. Racism also appears to be increasing or, at the very least, becoming more apparent. With the growing number of companies ending their Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion policies, people on Facebook, Reddit, Quora, and LinkedIn are asking questions about what it means.

    • Will they be fired because they are black?
    • Will they be deported to their country of origin even if they have legally immigrated to the United States?
    • Will the marriages of millions of gay, bisexual, or transgender people be no longer considered legal?

    And perhaps more importantly, how can anyone afford to live when they are losing their jobs, prices are rising, and they cannot get new jobs because the Artificial Intelligence overlords have decided their resume is not good enough to pass to a real human to read it?

    I know these thoughts may seem unrelated, but they have been on my mind lately, based on real conversations I have heard and read, both online and from coworkers at Walmart.

    These questions deserve answers, but it will not happen unless we have difficult conversations. Allow me to begin by telling you what I stand for. Look at this picture of the Progress Flag.

    progress-flag_1920x1080.png

    The Progress Flag is one of the most important symbols to me personally. I consider it the ultimate symbol of Diversity. The different colors and shapes represent different groups of people. One of the key interesting things is that the black and brown stripes represent “people of color”, such as those with darker skin colors.

    Skin color and/or race does not have much to do with being gay, transgender, or intersex, but what we all have in common is that our differences have been used as an excuse to exclude us from employment, voting, restrooms, marriage, and even life itself when we are murdered or sent to prison for life without having committed a crime.

    "I've paid my dues
Time after time
I've done my sentence
But committed no crime" - Queen

    What is the solution to the hatred, misunderstanding, and violence we face? I do not have all the answers, but I want to contribute my part in beginning the conversations to educate each other on our different experiences. We are stronger together because of our Diversity.

    What we have in our society is a great divide. We seem to be on two sides of the Grand Canyon. I was thinking to myself that what we need is a bridge. And then it just so happened that I came across an article where hundreds of people lit up a bridge in rainbow colors using only flashlights.

    rainbow-bridge.

    It was at that moment that I remembered a conversation I had in a dream with Honesty the Unicorn about how a rainbow is created.

    H: Like others before you, you will speak and write about the things you have learned. In fact, even now you are typing our conversations on your computer as we speak. You can tell others what you have learned. Though others will probably call you insane or a liar, the evidence speaks for itself.

    You have the power of perseverance. If you keep on speaking, you will be heard. If you keep on seeking the truth you will find it. For he who keeps asking questions will receive the answers. He who keeps seeking will find them sooner or later, and he who knocks on enough doors will find one answered eventually. You don’t know how to give up. You have too much stallion pride for that.

    C: You’re right, Honesty. I don’t know how to give up. But where will I go? How do I know where I will be listened to and where I will find the answers?

    H: Everywhere! Go into all the world. Ask every question, knock on every door, and search everywhere that you have a chance to find the answers. Find those who do not stop you or shame you for singing, dancing, or crying. Do you see that rainbow in the sky, Chastity?

    C: Yes, how long has that been there?

    H: Since the moment we first met. In the human world, a rainbow is created when white light is reflected off of water droplets. In Animal Sanctuary, the Light of Truth reflects off the tears of those with a pure heart. By this you shall know that wherever and whenever you see a rainbow, you will know a unicorn is not very far away. For the truth is revealed in tears without a single word said. This is my promise to you, Chastity. You came here because of your tears, and you will return again, as will all those who are honest enough to cry the tears of joy and of pain. For it is as I spoke long ago, blessed are the Pure in Heart, for they shall see God.

    I ask my fellow Rainbow people to metaphorically walk the Rainbow Bridge this Pride Month of 2025 as we write, speak, and listen to what our different voices have to say.

    As for me, I will remember the Promise of the Rainbow as I was told by Honesty the Unicorn. I won’t give up, and neither should you. Please let me know if there’s anything I can do to assist you. I am just a poor transgender writer and Chess player, but I offer my skills and knowledge of computer software to anyone who has a story to tell.